


For Brave Men Died and Empires Rose and Fell For Love

by theyshotmyclown



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Lie Low At Lupin's, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2714063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyshotmyclown/pseuds/theyshotmyclown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The animal fury in the face silently raging from the front page is only faintly recognisable, but the quicksilver eyes are as piercing as they ever were.<br/>Remus turns the newspaper over and lights another cigarette.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Brave Men Died and Empires Rose and Fell For Love

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know what 'I love you' means.  
> I think it means 'don't leave me here alone'.  
> \- Neil Gaiman

 Remus takes a last drag on his cigarette and frowns at the letter signed with Dumbledore's tell-tale flourish. He reads it through again, stubbing ash onto a saucer, and then his eyes flicker to the folded over copy of the _Daily Prophet_ on the kitchen table. The animal fury in the face silently raging from the front page is only faintly recognisable, but the quicksilver eyes are as piercing as they ever were.

He turns the newspaper over and lights another cigarette.

 

 

The first night, Sirius screams in his sleep and Remus jolts awake at the kitchen table, his mug of tea stone cold and a crick in his neck. He pads into the living room – Sirius had slumped in front of the gas fire as Padfoot three hours ago, and Remus hadn't thought to move him – and finds him curled in the foetal position, all sharp angles and shadowed hollows. When Remus reaches out to touch him Sirius flinches.

“It's me, Sirius. It's me.” Remus drags a throw off the sofa and carefully tucks it over Sirius' shoulders. “It's just me.”

It hurts to look at Sirius and the ghosts etched into his face by twelve years in Azkaban. In the faint glow of the fire, Remus sits back on his heels and watches his breathing even out.

 

 

Sirius doesn't speak much, spends most of his time as Padfoot. Remus doesn't mind. In some ways he thinks it's easier. He can look at Padfoot and not feel the sick twist of age-old betrayal and deceit that coils in his stomach when he catches Sirius' eye, however misplaced it is now.

He makes tea and reminds Sirius to eat and slowly, things settle. There are cracks, of course. Sirius has a habit of appearing in doorways without Remus hearing him, but after a broken mug and a scalded hand, Remus learns to listen harder. What proves more difficult is remembering not to touch Sirius if he doesn't expect it; the flinches and involuntary whines are leftovers from years of dementors, but that doesn't mean they don't come sharp. Remus contents himself with gently trailing his fingertips just above the skin of Sirius' shoulders while he sleeps, and pretends it's enough.

 

 

The issue of assimilating Sirius to daily routines is easier than Remus expected; the timetable in Azkaban was rigid, and Sirius is able to follow cues better than Remus ever saw him do at school. Remus is under strict instructions to not allow Sirius out of the flat, but he reasons that the roof of the apartment building doesn't really count and on the ninth day, he tentatively suggests a trip up.

The roof is usually off limits to residents but Remus charms the lock open and, when he sees Sirius' eyes light up at the sight of so much sky, he doesn't regret it at all.

“All right?” he asks, softly. He goes to touch his arm and then thinks better of it.

Sirius swallows and shuts his eyes against the biting morning air. With the wind ruffling his dulled hair into life, he looks almost like the man Remus remembers. Sirius smiles.

 

 

“Moony?”

The name pierces Remus' chest and he freezes, half in and half out of his shirt. Sirius is standing in the doorway to his bedroom, looking small and lost, with his hands tangled in the cuffs of the too-big jumper Remus has lent him. He hesitates.

Remus continues pulling the T-shirt over his head and then tries a smile. He hasn't been Moony for a long time. “Do you want an extra blanket? I know it gets cold in the lounge at night.” Remus asks. He goes to close the curtains, and when he turns to face the room again Padfoot is curled at the foot of the bed, dark eyes watching him nervously, expecting to be reprimanded.

Remus smiles, and scratches the dog behind the ears.

In the morning, Remus wakes not to the weight of Padfoot across his feet but instead to the warmth of Sirius, pressed against his back. He tells himself that if he doesn't open his eyes, just focuses on the soft sleep breath on the back of his neck and the listless weight of Sirius' arm across his waist, he can pretend he's twenty-one and fearless.

 

 

There are moments when things are almost as they used to be. Their fingers touch over a shared cigarette, a mug of tea. Sirius starts sleeping in Remus' bed, first as Padfoot and eventually as himself, and the nightmares quieten. He still thrashes, and mutters curses in his sleep, but Remus gets used to rolling over and clamping an arm across his chest until the shaking stops.

The first night this fails to quieten him, Remus pulls him closer and whispers a mantra of _it's okay sirius you're safe it's okay i'm here_ into his hair. Sirius clings to him like a child and buries his face in his neck, choking out sobs until sleep drags him back.

They wake tangled in the morning, and for the first time in a while Sirius doesn't pull away when Remus goes to touch him. He traces his jawline sleepily, fingertips ghosting across Sirius' throat to rest at the hollow of his collarbone, and he wonders how long they have left.

**Author's Note:**

> Title and the couplet at the beginning both taken from 'Sonnet' by Neil Gaiman (also known as 'Dark Sonnet') because it's pretty and sad and it made me want to write angsty wolfstar fic for the first time in FOREVER.


End file.
